


Kiss The Cook

by A55hole69



Series: Paint the Town [14]
Category: Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers Tower, Birthday Presents, Enemies, Escape, Feeding Kink, Fluff, Gen, Hostage Situations, Kidnapping, Loki (Marvel) is a Good Bro, Mutants, Parent Bucky Barnes, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker is a Mess, Stress Baking, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:27:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24056692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A55hole69/pseuds/A55hole69
Summary: "That little freak can go fuck himself, dad. He kidnapped me because he thought I was dangerous. That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Do I look dangerous?"Tony looked his son up and down, noting the pink, frilly "kiss the cook" apron, the flour marks on his face, and his blond hair pulled back by three pink bows. He looked the complete opposite of dangerous, but Tony knew exactly what the boy was capable of. And with the added tattoos and piercings, to a stranger, Klaus probably did look dangerous. At the same time, Klaus was insanely lazy, and not very goal oriented. He once saw Klaus stare at a blank screen, because he couldn't reach the remote to turn the damned thing on.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark
Series: Paint the Town [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1362460
Comments: 1
Kudos: 65





	Kiss The Cook

Klaus was awaken by a cold breeze going through his room. It woke him up because it was the middle of summer. Then he remembered that his frost giant best friend, was sleeping beside him. So he just wrote it off as Loki having another nightmare. Then his eyes shot open at the thought, Klaus studied Loki, making sure he was okay, and threw an arm around his middle when the god frowned.

The cold breeze came through again, and Klaus heard paper flapping in the wind. He drew the covers up over Loki and himself, and snuggled into Loki's back. Suddenly, something cold touched his back, making Klaus' eyes fly open. It couldn't be Loki, as the God was curled up in front of him. Klaus sat up and found Bucky standing over him, metal hand touching his back.

Klaus frowned, "What is it?" 

"A package came for you, also it's noon. You should be awake." 

Klaus groaned, "I hate you."

Bucky smiled and missed the boy on his head, "I love you too. And, happy birthday. Tony and I got something for you, so hurry up and get your butt upstairs." The man left Klaus sitting up on the bed, frowning at the royal blue box he saw sitting on his dressing table.

Klaus stretched out, making his joints pop, and got up out of the bed. Moving over to the box, he saw a small gold card on top of the box. It was hand written in his native German language, and it read, "Happy Birthday, my little star." Klaus frowned at that, the only person who ever called him that was his mother, and she was very dead. 

He sat on the bench at the dressing table, and opened the box. Inside, sat another antique looking box, but this one was pure gold, he could feel it. Klaus picked it up and opened it. It was a music box, and the song it played was similar to the one that played when he got his powers. It was such a pretty song. Instead of a dancing ballerina in the box, there was a small golden statue spinning around. It was a woman in robes looking up at something and smiling. 

As soon as the song finished, Klaus felt something shift inside of him. His skin started buzzing with energy, like his skin was on fire but it didn't hurt. Klaus caught something in his vanity mirror, his eyes flashed for a second. When he took a closer look he saw specks of gold in the emerald that were never there before. His hair looked more golden that it usually did, and so did his skin. 

Something caught his eye in the blue box. A bigger card at the bottom, he picked it up, and saw the same woman that was in the box, on the card. Upon closer inspection, he realised that the woman was his mother. The black hair, the pale skin, the green eyes, she was as beautiful as he remembered.

Klaus opened the card and read, "Happy Birthday, little star. This is an important day in your life, and I am sorry I can't be there with you. I'm sorry I couldn't be with you for most of your life, me being dead and all, but I know you turned out just fine. You're probably giving your guardians heart attacks like the little shit I know you turned out to be, but I know you turned out even more perfect than I could have ever imagined. I send you this box from my cell on your fourth birthday, one of the guards was nice enough to promise to hold onto it, and send it to you when you got out. I know you did. I know I'm going to be killed soon, but this is important. In this box contains all of my power, I have no use for it now, but I know you will do wonderful and mischievous things with it. I love you, my little star." 

Klaus smiled, carefully setting the music box down on the table. This was the best gift he could ever receive in his entire existence. He remembered his mom, making little silver toys for him while they were wasting away in their cell. Hydra took them all from him, but he could vaguely remember the silver knight being his favourite.

"Why are you wearing that creepy smile on your face, Sunshine?" 

Klaus snapped out of it, and turned to face Loki, who was sitting up in bed with his black hair sticking up in several places. Klaus picked up the music box and the card, and crawled into the bed to show them to Loki. "I just got the greatest gift of all time. My mom sent me this thing, Pops dropped it off while we were asleep, it's so sick." 

Loki read the card with a tired frown on his face, and smiled softly when he finished. "What does it do?" 

"It's a music box." Klaus opened it and the song played again. 

"Why is your power always triggered by music?" 

"It's the only thing that could keep me still for a long time. I used to get distracted easily, and no one could control me, until they saw me listening to my mom sing this song." 

"It is a beautiful song. What's it called?" 

Klaus shrugged, "No idea, I think she made it up, I've never heard it anywhere else. She had the prettiest voice, she was like an angel." 

Loki snorted, "There is no way she could have been an angel and gave birth to a demon like you." 

Klaus gasped, and folded his arms,"That's it, you're not getting any of my birthday cake." 

Loki rolled his eyes, "Oh the horror." He replied sarcastically.

Klaus flicked the god on his shoulder, "You totally deserved that."

____________

Of course this happens to him. On his birthday, nonetheless. The strangest things always happened to Klaus. He remembered walking home from his second birthday party with Loki, and never making it there. He also couldn't remember what happened, just them walking home and then nothing.

His eyes cracked open, and all he saw was white. White walls, white padded floor, white ceiling. Klaus looked down and saw he was in a white straight jacket with the navy blue slacks he wore to his party. Whoever this was, knew enough about him to cover his hands, but not enough to know he could easily get out of the jacket. He decided to play along.

The blond looked around for Loki, but the god was nowhere to be seen. Meaning they were separated, or they only wanted him. Klaus stood up, searching the cell for cameras or something, but he couldn't see any. One of the walls was glass, a mirror, meaning it was two way. It definitely was, as Klaus could hear three people breathing behind it. He decided to ignore it, pretending as if he was confused. 

Which he was. He had no idea what was going on, who took him, or why. Klaus sat back down Indian style. He could wait until someone came in. He wouldn't give them the satisfaction of crying and screaming. He had a reputation. 

It was maybe an hour later when someone came in. A young man, maybe his age, carrying a glass of water. Klaus silently studied the boy and noticed gills on his neck. The man put a straw in the cup and held it to Klaus' mouth. He drank slowly, staring the man down until he looked uncomfortable. When he was finished, the man scrambled out of the room and locked the door. 

Klaus could still hear the people behind the mirror, and he sighed, "So? What do you freaks want with me? I can't remember pissing off any blue people." 

There was a crackle, and then a deep voice rang through, "Hate to break it to you, but you're one of these freaks."

Klaus tilted his head in amusement, "No one is perfect, I suppose. Could you tell me why you kidnapped me?" 

"The professor felt you upgrade this morning, you were dangerous before, but now... We're just trying to make sure you don't end up like your god friend, and try to take over the world. He's not here by the way, if you're looking for someone to help you. Left him right there on the street."

Klaus shrugged, "Why would I do that? I would never try to take over the world, that's too much work. I would bring back the black plague, but it would be more lethal, and there would be no cure. It would kill off 90% of the earth's population in a matter of weeks. And it would only kill humans, no animals, just humans. It wouldn't favour old or young, black or white, fat or skinny, it would hit everyone, quick and painful." Klaus paused for effect and smiled at the glass. Then he sighed, "But, I have no reason to do that. Do I?" 

There was a pregnant pause, and then, "I don't know, do you?" 

Klaus scoffed, "Of course not. I've never done anything bad in my life, ever." 

"Your virus killed off more than half of the mutant race ten years ago." 

Klaus rolled his eyes, "That was Hydra, I was twelve. I'm good but not that good. The most I was doing at that age was extracting cyanide from almonds, and apple seeds." 

"I don't believe you." 

"That sounds like your problem, not mine. Now, when are you gonna let me go? I'm supposed to go to Vegas next week to celebrate me graduating from college. I was looking forward to the casinos." 

"You're not leaving until we think you're not a threat to us." 

Klaus snorted, "If I wanted to be a threat to you guys, you would never see it coming. Unlike all of your villains, I actually use my brain. Besides, why would I attack you idiots? I have much better things to do. I would actually rather watch paint dry. You guys aren't exactly very threatening, even Wolverine. You're all like a bunch of bunnies compared to the shit I've had to fight." 

"We still have to make sure." 

"While you're doing that, I'll be leaving. I have plans." 

There was a short over the microphone, "You're trapped in there, I'd like to see you try to leave. We have some of the most powerful people behind this glass." 

Klaus sat down on the floor and smiled, "Am I really?" Suddenly, the walls started bleeding gold, and it all pooled together around Klaus. The liquid gold started to levitate, and in the blink of an eye, turned into golden shards of glass, all pointing towards the two way mirror.

"Hey! Stop that, or else." 

One of the shards turned to Klaus, and cut him out of the straight jacket. Klaus shrugged out of the shredded cloth, and stretched his arms above his head. He tucked his blond locks behind his ears, and fixed his white t-shirt. 

Klaus walked up to the glass and tapped it, gold spread from the tiny dot, and covered the entire thing. He could heard the heart beats speed up, in both fear and anticipation. Klaus let the gold, previously the mirror, crawl up his hands and melt into his skin.

He saw the three mutants that took him, they all had to be his age or younger, the boy that broughthim the water, a girl with pink hair, and a guy who looked like a stereotypical jock. All three with their hands out, ready to attack. Klaus smirked, "You're just a bunch of stupid kids. Let me guess, the professor has no idea that I'm even hear. You idiots got scared and thought you'd take care of the problem." 

Jock boy spoke up, "Shut up. The professor doesn't know what's good for the mutants, he said not to worry about you, but I know better. Your stupid virus killed my parents." 

"I had absolutely nothing to do with the damned thing." Klaus rolled his eyes and sighed, "The professor was right, you have nothing to worry about. I'm too lazy to be a super villain, also my dad would be really disappointed, all three of them actually. My friend would never talk to me again, and I can't exactly have that." 

Jock boy narrowed his eyes, "I still don't believe you." 

Klaus clenched his jaw, "Fuck this." 

His body suddenly turned into gold and he melted like ice cream, into a pool of gold, and sunk into the floor. The mutants looked at each other, and the girl broke the silence, "What the fuck?"

___________ 

Professor X, and his little delinquents that kidnapped Klaus, were going to be at the tower any minute now. Tony was on Klaus' floor, in the young man's kitchen, watching him stress bake his tenth batch of sugar cookies. Loki was lounging on his couch behind Tony, reading, and Peter was on the other couch finishing up an assignment on his laptop. The only thing missing was Wade watching tv, but apparently the man just reunited with his girlfriend Vanessa, and they were very busy. 

"That little freak can go fuck himself, dad. He kidnapped me because he thought I was dangerous. That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Do I look dangerous?" 

Tony looked his son up and down, noting the pink, frilly "kiss the cook" apron, the flour marks on his face, and his blond hair pulled back by three pink bows. He looked the complete opposite of dangerous, but Tony knew exactly what the boy was capable of. And with the added tattoos and piercings, to a stranger, Klaus probably did look dangerous. At the same time, Klaus was insanely lazy, and not very goal oriented. He once saw Klaus stare at a blank screen, because he couldn't reach the remote to turn the damned thing on. 

"I have no idea what that kid saw." He finally answered, Klaus continued stress baking the cookies. He had been a bit on edge ever since the mutants got him so easily. In his defence, Klaus was hammered that night and Loki wasn't any better. Of course it was easy.

"Right?! The last time I hurt someone on purpose was....when I was seventeen, and that asshole hit my girlfriend. I've toned it down since then. I'm like the least dangerous person I know. If that kid wanted dangerous he should have kidnapped Peter instead. Peter is more dangerous than me. Walking around with all that untreated PTSD, his hands keep shaking, and he thinks I don't notice." 

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Klaus." Peter piped in.

Klaus held out the cookie cutter with the "You see what I have to deal with" expression on his face. An alarm went off somewhere, Klaus dropped the cookie cutter, and opened the oven. He pulled out three round pans and put them on the kitchen island. Tony raised an eyebrow, "You're really stressed out, aren't you? Maybe you should stop and work off the tension. Go for a run or something." 

Klaus scoffed as he took the cakes out of the pans and onto the cooling rack, "I'm not running anywhere. I don't see why torturing myself with pointless exercise would help anything. Steve already has me working out twice a week, because apparently I'm losing muscle mass again. I don't think he has anything better to do than see me suffer." 

Tony watched as Klaus rolled out the dough he was working on, "What are you doing now? Don't you think six hundred cookies is enough? What are you even going to do with them? We both know you won't be eating any of them." 

"I'm making cinnamon rolls." Klaus powdered on a generous amount of cinnamon and sugar onto the dough, "And I'm gonna give them away. The guys at the bar love cookies, and Loki is basically a dumpster, he's gonna eat at least half of these." A dagger flew toward Klaus' face, and before Tony even had time to panic, Klaus caught it and threw it back at the god. He looked at the god, "You know it's true!" 

"Well they're gonna be here any second now, so you should clean up a bit." Tony suggested.

"I'm not trying to impress anyone. I don't care if they see me with flour on my face." Just as he said that, the elevator down the hall dinged, indicating their guests had arrived. 

Klaus sliced the rolled up dough to put it in a pan, and Tony stood up to greet the professor, and four of his students. They came in trailing behind Bucky, the ex-assassin kissed Tony on the cheek when he walked in, and ruffled Klaus' hair. The young blond shook his hand off, "I don't want hair in the rolls, Pops." 

"Sorry, kid." 

Klaus didn't look up at the visitors until an annoying voice started making annoying words, "I'm surprised you're not off somewhere making poisons and plotting revenge." 

Klaus scoffed, "How arrogant must you be to think that you matter in any way to me?" 

Bucky nudged him a little, "Be nice and pay attention." 

Klaus looked up from the pan, and broke the metal knife he was holding. Bucky looked down at the broken metal with a frown, and was going to ask why, when he saw who Klaus was looking at. One of the students, a girl and everything snapped into place. 

She was a little on the chubby side, with big innocent brown eyes, and dirty blonde hair. She was exactly Klaus' type. Ironically, the boy had a strange obsession with chubby people, more so feeding them. Every single one of his girlfriends, except Casey, was chubby, and the one guy he went out with. It was ironic since Klaus had an eating disorder, the boy couldn't even feed himself, and he got off on feeding other people. He was a strange kid.

Tony watched in amusement as Klaus frantically started wiping flour off his face, and pulling the pink bows out of his hair. "How rude of me, can I get you guys anything, water, juice, a cookie? I accidentally made six hundred." 

The girl shyly shook her head no, but the guy who kidnapped Klaus spoke up, "I'll have some cookies, they smell delicious." 

"I wasn't talking to you dick for brains." 

The kid looked at what Klaus was looking at and snarled, "Get your eyes off my sister, murderer." 

Klaus rolled his eyes, "I'm about become a murderer if you call me that one more time." 

The guy looked at the amused Professor X, "You see sir, he's dangerous, he needs to be watched." 

"My boy, we came here so you would apologize for what you did, not make it worse. And as I told you, Klaus is very powerful, but he's very far from dangerous." 

"Power equals danger professor, I've seen it before. It's only a matter of time before Scarface here let's it get to his head. Are we going to wait for him to kill some people before this gets out of hand?" 

Loki scoffed, and all eyes turned toward him, "Klaus was powerful without the powers. He could bring the world to its knees with the things he can make. Given his upbringing and background, he has every right to be dangerous, evil, but he's not. Klaus spends most of the day watching cartoons and baking. The most I've seen him abuse his power, was the time he turned his bathtub gold, because of the aesthetic. He is also the laziest person I've ever met. He takes baths because showering is too much work, he waits until he's down to his last pair of pants to wash his clothes. Klaus is a mess of a human being. He stress bakes, and doesn't even eat any of it. I can't remember if he has a rug in his room, because i haven't seen the floor since he moved down here. He hasn't cut his hair since he was nineteen because he can't find his scissors, and he keeps forgetting to buy another pair. He is the farthest thing from dangerous you could ever find."

"You said you weren't going to tell anyone any of that." 

"Desperate times." Loki shrugged, and went back to his book.He

"He's an idiot, so what? One bad day, and we're gonna have another Magneto on our hands." 

The professor laughed, "Jonathan, just apologize." 

Jock boy grumbled, "I'm sorry.... I'm sorry I didn't get you when you were twelve and lock you up." 

"Your mother should have swallowed you, you waste of sperm." Bucky slapped him upside his head.

Jonathan lunged forward but was stopped by his sister, "Behave. Can't you just do the right thing? Just apologize." 

Jonathan crossed his arms, "No, because I'm not sorry." 

"At least you're honest, you little bitch." 

"Klaus, come on." Tony pleaded.

Jonathan did not make it any better, "I'm gonna kick your fucking ass." 

"I wouldn't give you the chance, you pig headed cock thimble." Klaus retorted.

Bucky sighed in frustration.

___________

"Well that went well." Poppy broke the silence when they landed back at the school. She looked at her brother, Jonathan, disappointed at his behaviour. "What the hell is wrong with you?" 

"Me!? Klaus is a piece of shit, I'm tired of everyone looking at him like he's a saint." 

The girl with pink hair spoke up, "He was stress baking in a pink frilly apron, there is no way he's a piece of shit." 

"What?! Candy, you're supposed to be on my side. You agreed when I said he was a threat. What changed?" 

"We went to his place. Everyone in that tower is a superhero, and they all spoke very highly of him. Even that freak, Deadpool, likes him. He has a poster of the freaking care bears on the wall in his living room. You're grasping at straws here, Jonny." 

"I can't believe..." There was a knock at the front door. They all frowned, and Jonathan answered the door. It was a delivery man holding a black box, he held out a clipboard, "Sign here." 

"Who's this for?" Jonathan asked as he took the board and sighed it.

"A Jonathan Ramsey." The delivery man handed him the package and took the clipboard, "You have a nice day, sir." 

He groaned in confusion, "Did one you guys use my card to buy something again?" 

"Not after Call of Duty, why?" 

He opened the package and dropped it on the floor in surprise, "Oh my god, what the fuck?" 

Poppy came over, looked at the contents, and started laughing. "Oh my god!" 

Candy came over, and started giggling, "There's a card." She picked it up and read it out loud, "Go fuck yourself, you rat. Also, say hi to your sister for me. Love, Klaus." 

Jonathan looked down at the huge, solid gold dildo, and turned red with anger, "I'm gonna kill him."


End file.
